SICK.

There's been so much going on lately, at home especially, and it's really getting to me. It's as if two tall and strong towers are tumbling and I am just stuck helplessly in the middle, about to be squashed to death. It's so complicated. I get really tired at work and always dream of coming home, but when I actually get home I forget why I longed to be home at all. Being at home is actually suffocating. While I try my best to seem happy and relaxed, I simply mask the strong feeling of anxiousness and fear that something bad is about to happen. I feel tense when my parents are at home at the same time - a feeling I never in a billion years thought I would ever feel. 

The worst part is, I feel like I have no one to talk to. There's nobody that I feel close enough to to share my worries and sorrows with. At the same time, I think I probably wouldn't even do that if I did have these close friends in my life. I am always the positive and cheerful one, and I would never want to make anyone feel sorry or sorrowful because of me. I just feel stuck. I want to scream, so loud it exhausts me and gives me a sore throat, but I can't even do that without letting people know of my troubles. I don't think there's even a place in Singapore that's isolated enough for me to scream that loudly. 

I know nobody really reads this, and hence I feel more or less comfortable sharing my feelings here. It's the same thing though - I'm still not too sure if I want anyone to read this blog or not. All I can say to sum off is that I really hope that things get better, not only for me but for my family. I will continue to fake the image of positivity and calmness, and maybe things will get better after all. I've always gotten rid of my problems with positivity, be in with my studies or even the major surgery I had earlier this year, so I pray that it works again. I love my family very much, and I would hate to see it be broken apart over what can definitely be solved with patience and time. I hope my parents see that.